*Disclaimer: If there are errors, please ignore them. In an effort to actually publish, I am forcing myself out of perfection paralysis. This may come across raw and unpolished, but it will be true.

I used to be a writer ...

These may be the hardest words I've ever written.

For a long time, I would tell myself, "You'll get back to it when you have time", but as the years went by, I just never made the time.

Year after year, I collected or was gifted a variety of notebooks. Most remain empty, some are filled with to-do lists or other junk scribbles, but none are filled with the promise I made to myself: getting back to writing for myself.

That doesn't mean it's too late; it just means I have to work harder to carve out time for what I believe to be meaningful work.

The Lost Creative is my way back. It is a personal outlet for me to experiment, to be vulnerable (if you know me personally, this isn't something I'm great at), to create works that I think are important or, at the very least, a space for me to put the chaotic thoughts and ideas from my brain to page.

While discussing the Lost Creative with someone important to me, they asked if I actually enjoyed writing. That's a fair Question and one that's pretty hard to answer with a simple response.

Writing was always an escape for me. A way for me to get out of my own head and my way of processing. I loved it. Most importantly, it has always been the easiest way for me to be vulnerable. I don't process my emotions like a human being; I never have. People's emotional reactions to certain things always confused me, and for the most part, are genuinely lost on me.

I used to think I was broken, but as I got older, I just realized I am different, and that is fine. The only part that still bothers me is my inability to verbally communicate how important the people in my life are to me. I hope they know, but telling them is important to me. This will come in time. I hope that continuing the Lost Creative will eventually break that mental barrier; progress over perfection.

But for now, I will use the lost Creative as an outlet to express and share my journey with those of you who feel or have felt like me along the way.

The spark never dies. It only waits.

And I'm done waiting